Little J and Roger
Part 4: Thunder and Lightning
This excerpt is a complete chapter about half way into the book. It has been selected because it is relatively compact and typical of many scenes in the book—it is connective story material and uses familiar characters. And, it sets the stage for upcoming scenes.

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13 Kurt and Nick

Kurt was beside himself. After pacing back and forth on the badge trail for half an hour, he had decided, finally, to find Sid at the lake and at least do what they had already been doing. He still wanted to try what Tom had taught him, of course. He had a couple of problems, though. He didn’t have any of that greasy stuff. He couldn’t do it without that. Where could I get it, anyway? His plan was to teach it to Sid, and Sid could do it first, just to see. Hmm. I sort of want to suck Sid, actually.

He walked along the fence, carefully scanning the swim area. Man, where is he? Maybe he’s mad about what I said last night, or something. Kurt, you can be a real dodo at times! That expression on Sid’s face really haunted him. The water polo game looks to be a bigger event today... they actually have some fans now. Hmm... must be a couple of dozen. Maybe Sid’s one of those... he should be easy enough to spot with those big glasses. Hmm. The only guy I recognize out there is Danny. Too far away to see very well... I need some binoculars.

Kurt grabbed his badge and went through the gate; he nodded at Leonard as he pointed to the canoe rack. He took his badge over to the canoe board, but didn’t hang it up. He walked out the dock part way. It’s all clogged with water polo players. Man they sure churn up the water! It would be a real hassle to take out a canoe with all these guys here. He stood still and scanned the swim area as well as he could. Nope. Should I go out the F dock to look? No can do... don’t have a Buddy.

Leonard followed Kurt’s movement discreetly—he was tempted to tell Kurt that Sid had come and gone. Clearly Kurt is connected to whatever agony Sid was experiencing. Is he here to seek a reconciliation? I’ll stay mum unless asked. That was his usual policy.

Kurt tapped his chin nervously as he searched the swim zone... no luck. Maybe Sid’s hiding out in his tent. Nobody is supposed to be in camp during the free period, so maybe that’s it. I better go check that next. He surveyed everywhere around the swim area again just to be sure. Why isn’t anybody I know around today? Is something going on that I didn’t hear about? Can’t ask Leonard... just as soon not let Leonard think anything is going on... don’t need funny looks every time I take out a canoe. Cripes, those guys are loud! Impossible to think around here. He headed back toward the gate.

Kurt left without looking at Leonard. I better hurry... he returned his badge to the Buddy Board and started up the trail. Oh! A piece of good luck at last! “Hey, Nick! Wait up!” Great! Nick will be a big help.

Returning from the Archery range with Andy and Tony, Nick heard Kurt’s hail. Good. I need to touch base and see if everything is okay. “Thanks, Andy. Those guys will have a great time; they’ll thank you big, believe me.”

“Sure thing. Remember: let me know if you get word on one of those games happening in the morning.” Andy watched Kurt approach; from the look on Kurt’s face he could tell that Nick didn’t need him and Tony hanging around. “See ya.” He didn’t know Kurt—he’s a Zebra, that’s about all I know. Andy nodded at him as he passed... wow: check those biceps. Better stay on good terms with him. He skipped on ahead. Hopefully Freddy has taken care of our itchy contestant—if James dropped out, the shooting gallery will look very odd this afternoon.

Nick nudged Tony. “I’ll tell Tom about your generous sacrifice.”

“Oh goody.” Having Mister Massive owing him was a super idea. He waved goodbye and hurried to catch up with Andy. They had to go in together. He waved at Kurt merrily, but it seemed to go unnoticed. No matter; lots of prospects await me in the lake.

“Hi, Kurt.” Nick had been given Tom’s account last night. He wanted to know from Kurt if Tom had taken care of everything.

“Is there something happening today? I can’t find anyone around.”

“Not that I know of. Who are you looking for?”

“Umm... well, nobody in particular, I guess.” Kurt didn’t want to bring Sid’s name up for some reason.

“Let’s park over there for a minute, okay?” Nick pointed to the grassy slope above the boat buddy board where he met Adam yesterday.

Kurt was relieved; Nick is so mellow and accommodating. He wanted to wangle some of that goop from him, if he could. He sat down at an angle to keep an eye out, just in case Sid shows up.

“Thanks, Kurt. I wanted to talk with you, actually.” Nick scooted close and nudged with his elbow. “Tom told me you were an excellent student.”

“I really owe you, Nick.” Kurt blushed. He didn’t know how to talk about this.

“Not really. So, you’re okay with Tom now?” Nick wanted to be sure. He was ready to make Tom go again, if need be.

“Man, you can say that again!” He looked Nick in the face. “I was really wrong about him.” He shook his head.

Nick patted him on the back. “Good.” Chapter closed on that one. I must reward Tom for a job well done; it went much easier than I expected.

“Say, Nick...”

“Mm?”

“Where dy’a get that stuff he had... you know, in the tube?”

“Oh, the KY? Any drugstore or pharmacy; it’s pretty much everywhere. Probably even in a supermarket. Look for it where they have the first aid stuff.”

“Oh.” Fat chance of getting to a store around here. Obviously the Trading Post wouldn’t stock something like that. “Um... ya don’t have any extra around, by any chance?” No harm in asking.

“Well, that stuff is never really extra.” It looks like Kurt has a plan of some kind. Nick needed to know about this.

“Yeah. Probably not.” Kurt was discouraged.

“If you want to borrow some, the answer is yes. You qualify for that.”

“No kidding?” Kurt was thrilled to hear that. I didn’t even have to ask!

“Only, I want to know a little more. You can trust me, you know. I won’t tell anyone.” Nick had seen him with Julian and his friend from Wolf patrol out on the platform. If he had Julian in his sights, then he was out of luck. “So, tell me.”

“Yeah, I need to talk to you about that, anyway, I guess.” He squirmed... he was not good at talking about things like this. “I have this friend; he and I have been fooling around some, you know.” He looked out over the lake. “We’ve never done any of the... of what Tom showed me.” He glanced at Nick, then back out to the lake. He trusted Nick. “I’d like to try it, maybe, with him.” He dug a small trench with his foot. “Only I don’t know if I should.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Well, he’s maybe a little young, you know?” Kurt wasn’t sure how old Sid was, exactly. Probably a year younger; he’s a First Class, though.

Nick was glad that Kurt was aware of the danger. But then, he would be, thanks to his experience with Tom over a year ago. “Is it someone I know?”

“Probably.” He looked at Nick... he can be trusted. One wisecrack, though, and I’ll deck him. “Sid. You know, the kid with the big glasses?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right! He was with you on the platform Sunday.” Nick was delighted. “Hmm. I didn’t pay that much attention.” He wanted to know more. That’s right! Now he remembered seeing their very “satisfied” cocks.

“Well, I want to tell ya, he has a magic mouth,” Kurt blushed.

“What about...” Nick felt awkward about a personal thing like this.

“That’s the thing. I don’t know. The only thing like that we ever did was two, three days ago.” Kurt paused. “I heard these guys talking over at the canoe line a few days back about using their fingers. You know, back there.” Kurt punched his right bun. “We tried that.”

“And?”

“Well, I was surprised.” Kurt shrugged. “It was good, after we got the hang of it. Of course, all we had was saliva and spit, so it wasn’t the same at all as what Tom did.”

“Well, did it hurt?”

“Not especially. No, I guess not. He seemed to like it a whole bunch, actually. But it was while sucking, you know, which was already pretty darn good. The finger thing was just an add-on to that.” He paused. “That’s the only time, besides with Tom, I’ve ever...” How do I talk about this stuff?! “But it’s not the same.”

“You’re right about that!” Nick chuckled “It could be that you’ve found what you should do for a while. But you want to try what Tom taught you, is that it?”

Kurt hesitated. “I don’t know. At first I really did. You know, after yesterday.” That’s all he could think about for a while, in fact. “That was some lesson!” He picked at his thumbnail. “Then I got scared. I didn’t want to force him, y’know? ’Cause that’s what Tom did to me, once.” He looked at Nick for help. “I don’t want Sid to hate me the way I hated Tom.” I couldn’t stand that.

Nick appreciated Kurt’s sentiment. Maybe Kurt is falling in love. I won’t talk about that directly. “So, you’re afraid you might hurt him?”

“Yeah, I guess, maybe. Y’see, he probably wouldn’t tell me if I was hurting him. He’d lie about it.” Kurt blushed. “I think the kid sorta likes me, y’know?”

Nick saw what was going on. This is a new romance, all right. “Kurt, like I said, you have the right to borrow some. But I do have a piece of advice.”

Kurt sat up eagerly. Tom called him a genius. Tom is probably right.

“You need to learn how to trust each other. You have to get him to trust you enough to tell you if he can’t do something. Or maybe if he doesn’t want to. He might not be ready for doing it this way. Maybe not for a long time. I’ll bet there are guys who never do it. You have to know how he really feels.” Nick paused to see if Kurt was following. “Do you understand?”

“Yeah. Sort of. But I’m not a mind reader. How am I supposed to know?”

“You have to show that you trust him.” Nick paused. He was putting into words what he had learned the last few days, with Tom. “See, if he doesn’t think you trust him, or even if he’s afraid you don’t, then he’ll feel that he has to pretend things. He has to tell himself what you probably think and feel, because that’s all he can do.”

“Man. Tom is so right, Nick. You are a genius.” Nick had told him the obvious... but he would never have seen it by himself.

Nick blushed. He didn’t know Tom had been calling him that. It felt very good. It told him that he was right about a few things. “Anyway, he’s not a mind reader either, you know. He’ll get some of it all wrong. Anybody would.” He nudged Kurt. “I’m not a genius. I used to spend a lot of time trying to hide what I really thought from other people, because I knew that they wouldn’t like me. Well, I found out that I was wrong. I found out that the opposite was true.” He looked at Kurt in the eyes. “I was lucky. I found out soon enough to set everything straight.”

“Man, how can I...” Kurt was frustrated. “I don’t know how to talk about this stuff.” He felt so dumb and clumsy right now.

“You don’t have to.” He held Kurt by the shoulders. “You have to be a little brave. At first, you’ll want to chicken out. You’ll say that you’ll get around to it later, or you’ll leave out the parts that worry you, or something. I know, because that’s what I did.” He let go, but continued. “Start by telling about things. You know, what you did when you were a little kid. Get him to share his stories with you. Start with easy, funny things. But don’t leave anything out along the way. If you did something bad, tell him about it. You guys will end up having a good time.”

Kurt grinned. He saw how he could do this.

“Does Sid know about Tom?”

“NO!” Kurt couldn’t believe Nick would ask such a thing.

“Kurt, listen. If Sid doesn’t know about Tom, how can you expect him to trust you?” This is basic. Kurt needs to see this. Nick looked him in the eye.

“Huh.” He had just had a major rug pulled out from under him.

Both times.”

Kurt was horrified at the thought.

“Try to put yourself in Sid’s shoes. After hearing what happened to you, do you think he would ever lie to you about how he felt? That’s the kind of thing that will make him trust you, and tell you the truth. Especially since you guys have actually used your fingers. He already knows something, from personal experience.”

How profound that was. And it was the exact opposite of what Kurt planned. He had planned to never tell anyone about Tom.

“Is that who you’ve been looking for?” Nick had figured out that much already.

“Yeah.” Kurt hung his head.

“So what’s the matter?” Maybe they had a fight.

Kurt slugged his left palm. “Man, I did a real dumb thing.” He didn’t want to tell Nick this, but... “I told him at the campfire that I didn’t want to do it with him because I wanted to think about things.” He looked at Nick. “I feel like such a shit. The way he looked at me—I can’t get it out of my mind.” He clenched his jaw.

Obviously Kurt is miserable. Nick had to help. Tears would not help right now, and they might be on the way. “It was because of Tom’s lesson, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah... I had this idea right away that I wanted to do that first thing, with Sid. It was so great, and all. Then I watched him at the campfire. I remembered back to when Tom hustled me into the brush. I was afraid I was just going to do the same thing. I didn’t want to be Sid’s bully. I really l...” he almost said something too soon. “I really like the kid, you know?”

“And you think he’d pretty much do whatever you ask?”

“Look, Nick.” Kurt held up his flexed right bicep and pounded his chest with his left fist. “He’s gonna say no?”

“You think he does that now? Just do what you want?” Nick figured it was mutual. Kurt needed to understand that too.

“No.” Kurt thought back. Hmm. That’s right, he had made Sid give the signals more than once. He made sure that Sid wanted to do stuff. He looked at Nick. “No. That’s not it. The kid is pretty darn tough, if you want to know the truth.” Kurt was proud of him, in fact.

“Kurt, do yourself and Sid a big favor, okay?”

Kurt looked at him blankly.

“Stop calling him kid.” Nick looked at him in the eye.

Kurt blushed. He got it instantly.

“If he’s a kid, you don’t do it at all. If he’s a kid, you are a bully.”

“Yeah.” Kurt was beginning to realize what a selfish crud he had been all along.

“Hey! Don’t kick yourself too hard. You’re going to fix it. Besides, he’s what, a year younger than you?”

“Yeah. I’m bigger because I work out at Sullivan’s a lot. I probably look older than I am.” Right now he wasn’t so sure that had been such a hot idea.

“So when you see him, what are you going to say?”

Kurt hadn’t thought about that. His eyes went wide. He looked at Nick, pleading for help.

“First, you’re going to say you’re sorry.” Nick waited for it to register. “You probably left him in a confused state. He’s probably been going crazy all night and today trying to figure out what he did wrong.”

“But he didn’t do anything wrong!” Kurt slugged his leg hard.

Nick winced. I’ll bet Kurt just bruised himself good. “Hey, hey. Take it easy.” He reached over and smoothed over the place Kurt had struck. “You’ll get hurt if you keep that up. Sid wants you in one piece, okay?”

Kurt nodded.

“Tell him you’re sorry, that you were all confused about something, and now you want to talk to him about it.” Nick touched Kurt’s arm. “You need his help.”

Kurt turned and looked at Nick. It dawned. “Help?”

“My bet is that the second you say you need help, he’ll jump right up and ask what to do. His hurt feelings will dissolve instantly and he’ll want to know what to do.” Nick was pretty sure about this.

“What do I say then?” This is starting to get scary again.

“That’s when you say, ‘let’s start at the beginning,’ and you get going on telling those stories. You say that the past has caused you some troubles, and that’s what you’re working out.” Nick waited for a nod of understanding. “Then, you find a way for him to share, and soon you’re going to get to know each other. That way, you can get right up to date and actually talk about what you and Tom did. After you talk about it some, you can decide together about whether you should do it. You don’t want to get permission. It’s got to be something you do together because you trust each other.” This is a heavy concept. He looked at Kurt closely to see if he understood.

Kurt ran through it all in his head. It made such perfect sense. “I wonder if I can keep straight what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to screw it up.”

“Just be slow and take your time. It would be best for you to do this by yourself. But it might take a little time, you know. Break it up into chunks, if you have to. Then, when you both want, you both come to me to borrow the tube. You’ll both know it is the right thing.” Nick realized he might be needed along the line. “Listen, Kurt. You can always come to me and ask about anything. If you really screw it up, send Sid to see me, or tell me, and I’ll chase him down. Okay?”

Kurt looked at him. Tom’s right. Nick is a genius. And a friend. Kurt felt very fortunate, suddenly. The raging fear that had gripped him all morning was gone. He had a plan, now. It’s going to work, too. He looked at his leg. Ow.

Nick checked his watch. “We have about twenty minutes before the lunch whistle. How about you walk around and get all this settled in your head. Then, find a good spot where you can see him coming, and get right beside him in the lunch line. Pretend like it’s old times at first. I bet he’ll be so glad to see you that it will be easy to get started. You can have fun making wisecracks about the menu, or something.” Nick grinned and flashed his eyes.

“Yeah!” He looked at Nick. “Sid’s real good at that.” He laughed.

“I’m going to wait for Tom’s game to wrap up. I’ll just hang here and head to lunch with him.” He’d just as soon Kurt was on task now. He had to chat a bit with Tom about the afternoon alibi. The subs are all lined up.

“Yeah.” Kurt stood up. He didn’t know how to thank Nick. It’s really dumb just to say thank you. Ow. My leg hurts.

Nick looked up. “You’ll do just fine, won’t you.” It was not a question. “Off you go. I’ll expect a report later, okay?”

Kurt nodded and tapped Nick on the shoulder. He walked off. He tried to not limp. Ooo. I’d better walk a little... maybe do some squats.

Nick watched him go up the slope, toward the HQ. It was amusing to see the limp. He shook his head. I’d need crutches if I’d taken that blow. He turned his attention to the game out in the water. No way to tell a thing about what’s happening out there. There’s no scoreboard, or anything. They all look happy, as always.


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